NEVER BLEND IN: THE DEADLIEST OF SINS (INCLUDES AN INTERVIEW WITH DJ Reed McGowan)

NEVER BLEND IN: THE DEADLIEST OF SINS

Researched and Written by David Watters



"Someday, maybe, there will exist a well-informed, well-considered, and yet fervent public conviction that the most deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of a child's spirit." Erik Erikson (1902-1994)



The transition through adolescence is challenging for many as this is a period where identity is most vigorously being shaped. If, during this time, a young person realizes that he/she is lesbian, gay, or bisexual the societal pressures can be amplified.



These teenagers live in a world where heterosexist values are dominant, where their sexuality is perceived as deviant, where there is a potential for verbal or physical attack and perhaps rejection by family and the wider community.



Those youths identifying as LGBT are more likely than their heterosexual peers to experience feelings of depression and low self-esteem. Growing up within a society which teaches them to hide, and even to hate, their sexual orientation can be a key factor in the increased instances of academic failure, substance abuse and suicide amongst members of this group.



Surviving these teenage years intact and negotiating the coming-out process is better achieved when a LGBT individual has support and understanding from peers, family and friends. Just as we should acknowledge and respect the spectrum of different cultural backgrounds and religious beliefs, we should also advocate an atmosphere where respect is given to all people regardless of sexuality. Parents, families and educators can and should uphold their moral obligation to offer children guidance on the true diversity that exists within society.



Schools and colleges need also to have in place policies which protect the welfare of all students. These policies need to be vigorously upheld so that every student is shown equal respect and support. Otherwise, there is likely to develop a sense of disenfranchisement and a detachment from the learning experience, which will inevitably result in poor achievement amongst this group of students.



As we move through our teenage years into adulthood we all need visible and positive representations of ourselves in the media and society in general. It is necessary, not just for the validation of each LGBT individual but for social progress that all cultures, genders and sexualities are fairly represented.



In mainstream movies and television LGBT characters are, on the whole, written in an inoffensive two-dimensional manner; the gay best friend being a staple favorite. Programs such as Will & Grace took sitcoms into a new area where gays went from mocked to self-mocking. Healthy as it might be to have a sense of humor about oneself, the joke soon gets old. Perhaps, due to the nature of this genre, stereotyping is du jour because accurate depictions of any group are simply not funny enough.



Thankfully, progress has been made in the area of serious television drama, with well written shows such as The L Word and Brothers and Sisters, where LGBT characters are given much more rounded identities and where their sexuality is not the sole focus.



This phenomenon is not unique only to the LGBT community; society as a whole is still presented, through our television screens, in very simplistic, non-challenging terms.

We need to move beyond stereotypical and simplistic depictions, since these merely touch the surface and limit our view of the true variety of characters which make up the LGBT community.



It is also vital that other sources of affirmation, validation and inspiration are available. One key would be a greater visibility of LGBT role models who can present, through example, a wider palate of career and lifestyle options.



REED MCGOWAN INTERVIEW

29 APRIL 2009

1. Why do you think it is important for teenagers/young adults to have role models?
It is important, because the people that they look up to will shape their futures. The key, however, is having GOOD role models. I feel too many of the role models are not exactly in the best interests of the youth today. Simply because one has celebrity status or money, does not warrant sufficient qualifications in my opinion. Quite often, the "role models" that are most visible, are the ones who send mixed signals with regards to responsible behavior. We are all moving through life as a lesson, and so role models need to understand that their contribution to the world should be one of integrity. If their image is contrary their message, then they need to own up to those inconsistencies, and use those instances of weakness to set an example.

2. Do you feel that the media has a role to play in the promotion of positive role models for minority groups? Media is the primary driving force behind all influence today, and so media has the overwhelming & daunting responsibility of sending messages that appeal to the most altruistic qualities of our human nature. One does not need to look far to see that this is not usually the case. Most media is compromised by greed, since profit seems to outweigh benevolence. I believe that truly honest media expressed through art and music can inspire and teach in ways far more effective than the carefully crafted PR machines of the day. The heroes are usually the ones not in the spotlight, but the ones who sacrifice daily with little or no acknowledgement.

3. Are we beginning to see a greater diversity of LGBT characters in television and, if so, what effect, on those who identify as LGB or T, do you think this will have? I do believe that more members of the LGBT community are being exposed, but that is due to the digital age and exposure to the mainstream. We do have more public figures who are comfortable with their sexuality, celebrities like Ellen Degeneres & Anderson Cooper, who do not flaunt their sexual orientation, but present themselves as vital and effective members of society. The "characters" that are often seen in film and television are still stereotypes in many ways, however, but at least we have broader opportunities to express ourselves with unbiased format. It really depends on where you are looking, and who is making the case for the gay community. Agenda is always a factor behind any representation of character.

4. Have you ever felt inspired to improve your life as a result of the example set by someone you personally knew? Yes, of course, but those people were not necessarily gay.

5. Have your attitudes toward yourself been affected by the influence of someone you admired? Yes, especially those who have played the roles of teacher or counselor.

6. Can you remember a specific time in your life when an adult said or did something which changed you for the better? I believe everything has changed me for the better, even the circumstances which I may have viewed as unfavorable. Perspective is the key to learning how to survive. The smallest actions can yield the most profound results. Unfortunately, most of the life-changing experiences of my past were primarily negative....in the long run, I suppose everything worked towards shaping me for the better. It all depends on how each person handles the cards they are dealt in life. This is why positive reinforcement is so important.

7. When we have a clear view of the principles in which we believe it is easier to make wise and focussed choices. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Do you feel that you are living a principle-based life? What values do you live by and why? I believe that solid principles are the foundation of every life that is credible and effective. At the core of these principles is a reverence & respect for others' lives, regardless of age, sex, sexual orientation, race, etc.... It does not have to be a religious foundation, although I do believe spiritual authority or insight plays a crucial role in guiding one with clarity. My own life is centered around the spiritual principles of Christ, and that does not include the extremist views which have maligned Christ's teachings for personal advantage. As a gay man, I find it offensive that some would try to deny me faith in the name of Christ, when it is His principles which have set me free to explore spiritual maturity and evolution. Principles involve standards and truths that are universal, which we all understand to be fair towards one another. I believe our society has moved away from a principle-based mentality towards a more personality-based mindset. This places an unfair advantage over those perceived as having more power or privilege. This is not to say that one with that kind of status cannot have principles, but rather I believe we have been conditioned to believe that those positions of worldly advantage must be attained first in order to be complete. I don't believe, however, that one can truly be successful unless they operate from a principle-oriented basis, which gives them discerning insight into the human condition.


8. Do you embrace the notion that you can have a positive impact on the lives of others in even one single meaningful moment? Yes, I believe every word that is uttered has power. Every action has a reaction which is either a detriment or a blessing. Our success is determined by our presence, and by that I mean our conscious engagement in everything. We are responsible for all that we do.

9. Do you accept the fact that anytime you are interviewed or in the public eye that you potentially assume the role of character educator? Yes, and at times, I realize that some may misinterpret my responses due to a difference in perspective. Not everyone is on the same path, and so what may seem credible or rational to me may be absurd to someone else. This is why someone must give careful creedence to what one says before they answer questions. However, the prevailing attitude in our media is one of urgency and insistence, so it leaves very little room for people to give thoughtful answers. For example, my own sense of humor has gotten me in trouble many times, especially with off the cuff comments which were taken out of context. My brash wit is not necessarily compatible with my more virtuous qualities, and at times I have been labelled unfairly. The people who learn from others' mistakes as opposed to judging them are the ones who grow. The character of an individual depends upon their integrity, and integrity is determined by an honest inventory of one's own life. Vulnerability in the public eye is a daunting responsibility. When people are forthright about their weaknesses, their peers are much more understanding...unless of course, they are caught in deception, and have no other choice but to reveal it.

10. Are you aware of this responsibility and these “teachable moments“ and, if so, what kind of character traits are you modelling? I am trying to cultivate patience and tolerance in the context of my own role, because I know that a great deal of misunderstanding has arisen from the inability to surrender to the circumstances of the moment. It is a very buddhist mentality one must adopt if one is to attain a sense of balance within their lives. We can always learn from our mistakes, but giving oneself permission to fail is a very important lesson if we are to be able to teach. Forgiveness is hardest to do when it involves oneself. Our world teaches us that surrender is weakness, but actually surrender is necessary if one wants to have true power and understanding. We can all learn to forgive more.

11. Within your work setting have you encountered discrimination and, if so, how did you deal with that situation? Well, yes but not in the way you might expect. I recently went through a year of chemotherapy treatments, which left me unable to work for a while. After my recovery, I approached some peers and employers to bring them up to speed...but I did NOT get the compassionate response that I anticipated. Instead, my honesty was rewarded with fear & rejection, and those people distanced themselves from me. It was extremely disappointing to see that such discrimination would be experienced within my own community. Although discrimination is most often considered in matters of sexual orientiation or race, we tend to forget that other kinds of bias can be perpetuated when it comes to matters of health, age, gender, etc.

Of course, every circumstance has been different, so my responses have sometimes been aggressive, and sometimes dismissive. I have learned that playing into someone's fears and provocation is not the best answer, but sometimes it is unexpected and you just can't help yourself. Taking a deep breath before reacting is always good...meditation does wonders for your soul. If someone is particularly abusive or offensive, I think that legal prosecution is always a good route if necessary, because then that party will think twice about their behavior next time.

12. John R. Selig said in HWFmag, “Role models are important for all of us but for LGBT youth, role models can often save lives! Every athlete, movie or television star who comes out, helps. So do politicians and local figures. Instead of focusing on stereotypes gay youth can have somebody to look up to, with hope instead of despair for their futures.” How important is it for popular sports figures, musicians, actors, politicians and local figures to come out at the height of their careers and how will this benefit the LGBT community? It is crucial that public figures who are gay take a reponsible role in the cultivation of positive reinforcement. Where the world fails to teach us acceptance, we must be bold enough to teach it to the world. Sexuality is just one aspect of our being...it does not define us as a whole person, unless we want it to. Prominent role models need to decide for themselves how their individual talents can contribute towards a healthier world view. As an artist, I strive to express & cultivate my best qualities through my work. Art serves as a mirror, and in it I learn to see myself and the world with clarity and hopefully grow from the expression of that creation. From there, I can be used an instrument to direct others.

13. Is it true that Fundamentalist religious institutions are guilty of preaching hate towards gays and, if so, what effect does this have on the progress of society? Of course it's true! This is an ancient bias, and I believe that it is a detriment to not only society, but to the spiritual evolution of mankind. Many gay men and women turn away from faith, and find belief in a deity to serve no purpose. This may be a personal decision based on a result of traumatic experiences within their own religious affiliations. Everyone has the right to decide for themselves what path to follow, regardless of the reason. My own experience tells me that the understanding of God is far too complex for us to compartmentalize into neat little dogmas....therefore, we should not judge one another based on our own limited understanding of life. We cannot pick and choose beliefs to suit our own agendas, using those myopic views to discriminate, and then call ourselves enlightened. If you believe that if there is a God, then He is God of all...and He gives us ALL access to His grace. We fool ourselves if we presume to be above anyone else. How we reconcile ourselves with our Creator is left up to us individually. What is of fear is not of God, but of the world. Any religion that indoctrinates with fear & hatred is in contradiction to the nature of God, which is creation. Our demise is a result of our own doing....we actually condemn ourselves with our own actions, and that includes with the sins of the church. After recently reading the books of Eckhart Tolle, I have come to a much deeper understanding of some spiritual truths. We each possess an ego which feeds off of fear, and I believe that this ego is the catalyst for all sin....sin being the absence of God. Ego-based lives perpetuate selfishness, and that includes many people who consider themselves religious. When we can separate ourselves from that ego, all we are left with is forgiveness and acceptance of others & ourselves. The next natural progression in human evolution is not technological, but rather spiritual....human technology will never surpass the human spirit. My spiritual life has been authorized and enriched by God...not by religion. At the same time I recognize that my sexuality does not have to be a hinderance to spiritual growth, but rather it provides me with a unique contribution. At the core, we are more spiritual beings than sexual beings....and that is our common essence. Regardless of what side of the fence you are on, hatred has never eradicated hatred...only love can prevail with success. And true power is shown through the practice of love. One of my favorite quotes is by Bill Clinton : ""People have always been more impressed by the power of our example rather than example of our power".

14. Should separation of church and state be more clearly defined in law? Yes. Remember, even Jesus said to "Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s".

15. Are gay role models part of our education system and culture? Yes, but I believe most are still primarily closeted. We have come a long way, but have much more education to provide & foster. Gay acceptance is indeed a modern generational movement which needs to be addressed...we are in danger of losing our identity in a pop culture ideology. History and reference must be made to show us a path to greater compliance within society. Gay role models can only rise above the petty stereoytypes if they exhibit the qualities of a leader.

16. There are still extreme cases of parental/ and family rejection faced by young people within the LGBT community. What would you say to the family of someone LGB or T to help them understand the needs of that person and also to help themselves cope/adjust to their new understanding of this family member?

I come from a very conservative family in Louisiana, and I have to say from experience, you cannot force people to change their narrow views. If they cannot relate to something, they will reject it. You can approach them from a loving angle...one that directs them towards compassion...but unless people have a crisis which challenges their principles, they usually do not respond well to change, especially when their criticism stems from religious doctrine. I would simply say " don't you think your child deserves your love just as much as any other child would?" Love is something you either do or DON"T do. I believe that excellence is love in action, even when the odds are against you, or when you are faced with change. It is much easier to give into fear than to give a loving response. Love requires courage, and a family cannot survive without that kind of love.

17. How can a parent become more accepting and supportive of their LGBT children? By being pro-active and attentive in their children's lives. By being willing to listen and communicate. By giving unconditional love and support, but also being a voice of reason. How can a child be expected to maintain a healthy self-image if their parents cannot even address their own issues?

18. Should schools address the special needs of their LGBT students instead of ignoring that such needs exist? Schools should provide adequate resources for support and counseling, at the very least. And there should be mandatory lessons in tolerance, whether that be included in the curriculum or in some form of organized assembly. With no doubt, many of our teachers should be required to attend those lectures as well. Much of the bias is ignored or dismissed by teachers who secretly harbor hatred towards such students...why are they allowed to teach? A teacher should have a heart of compassion, not the desire to tear a person down.

19. What advice can you offer someone who is struggling to come to terms with their sexual identity or orientation? Be honest, listen to the advice of others, don't rush into anything you are not ready for, and be patient in the process. It can be overwhelming. Although current times dictate a more accepting generation, there are still prejudices within social circles. Be true to yourself above everything else...

20. How can society move forward in it’s perception of minority groups? Do you feel hopeful that our similarities are more recognised than our differences and that progress is being made? The only way to move forward is to move forward, with diligence & understanding. Minorities are a part of the body of humanity, and what body can thrive without all of its parts? As time passes, we do make some progress...but it is hard to overcome the stereotypes we have adopted when we focus our lives more on our sexuality than our contributions as human beings. If sexuality is all we have to validate ourselves with, then we don't do ourselves a service, and certainly the majority will not embrace us any further than the limits we impose upon ourselves. Growth requires sacrifice and honesty, on both sides of the fence. Equality requires compromise and respect. Minorities who discriminate against minorities are no better than the people who persecute them. We cannot earn respect if we don't learn to treat each other with respect, and prejudice within our own community certainly doesn't help.

NEITHER VICTIM NOR VILLAIN



Identifying as LGBT need not, in itself, be an issue. What does impact upon someone who identifies as LGB or T is the discrimination and/or oppression from and by society. Portrayals or representations of homosexuals in the media also have a powerful effect and a lack of family support can destroy the developing identity to a point where self-esteem is low and true potential is not fulfilled.



We all have a moral duty to nurture and support our children, to understand their needs and their vulnerabilities. If we fail in this obligation, the results, as we hear daily, can be devastating; with children finding no better option than to harm themselves in order to escape the intolerable despair resulting from perceived or actual rejection, religious intolerance, harassment and a lack of any visible positive inspirational figures.



Openly gay and successful role model figures, such as Reed McGowan, play an enormous part in highlighting the wealth of possibilities available to young people. Reed McGowan, like those who have inspired him, is successfully modelling character traits such as determination, diligence, clear vision and a consistent effort to improve and develop himself; such admirable qualities can only serve to inspire and encourage the younger generation to lead a balanced, fulfilling and dignified life.